How to Actually get Paid Coaching Clients

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She hated me for this…

“I don’t think our values align”

 It was a knife piercing my soul.

That’s what she told me today – a coach (let’s call her “Kate”) who registered and booked a scholarship call for the Get Paid Clients Masterclass.

It was in response to me asking the same question I ask every coach in a scholarship call (if you’re reading this, chances are, you know the question too):

“What’s your financial goal?”

Turns out Kate didn’t like that question. She didn’t like it AT ALL.

And what followed was a skeptical discourse against the idea of “making money” out of your coaching in the interest of “helping others”

(which was confusing given her goal being, “to get more PAID clients…” ???)

I could have gone into how, practically speaking, the one requires the other (that is, you need cashflow to stay in business – unless you’re running a non-profit organization, or if you have a wealthy uncle)

Yes, I could have easily dismissed the rant on the basis of pure logic, but that would have added fuel to the fire…

After investing considerable effort in improving my emotional intelligence, I’m inclined to believe that I’m pretty calm and collected on these calls (especially after doing literally thousands of them over recent years).

But this one caught me totally off guard.

I’d like to tell you that I didn’t take it personally.

But I did. Very personally.

I may not have fully revealed it (I tried to my best to hide it and maintain a state of love and professionalism), but I felt deeply wounded.

…that feeling when someone completely misjudges your character (on such a fundamental value-based level) within 5 minutes of meeting you…

Given the tangled misperception and profound absence of rapport, it was obvious we wouldn’t continue the call, and I concluded it with some form of “wishing you all the best” (in the utmost authenticity I could muster)

“End meeting”

It sucks clicking that button on a bad note with someone…

I feel like I failed her. And myself.

Perhaps I could have been more loving (there’s always room for this in our engagements with others).

But there’s an important lesson here.

Something in a blog of Seth Godins’ (check it out here: https://seths.blog/2011/05/how-else-are-you-supposed-to-take-it/ )

And that is, that when the customer doesn’t like your service, or your best work (or you!)

“It’s never about you. How could it be? That person doesn’t truly know you, understand what you want or hear the voices in your head. All they know is themselves.

When someone moves on, when she walks away or even badmouths you or your work, it’s not personal about you. It’s personal about her. Her agenda, her decisions, her story.”

(Note: I’m not fully agreeing that it’s never you, I think there’s always room for identifying and accepting responsibility for how you may have contributed to the conflict)

In short: it’s not you. It’s them.

Or rather: it’s not (always) you. It’s (sometimes) them.

When someone unexpectedly flips out at you for no apparent justification, it’s often an indication of a past trauma.

Perhaps it was a bad experience with someone LIKE you, a new story in their minds is written (about people LIKE you), and you’re just the trigger…

Sometimes, it’s not you, it’s the concept of you.

Like with my step-mother early on in our relationship, she seemed kinda cold towards me starting out… I don’t think she disliked me. But I think she did dislike the concept of me (i.e. being the offspring of her husband’s nds previous wife).

Ok, so how do we apply this to the call with Kate?

Bad experience happens: perhaps she previously joined a “free program” with another coach and it turned sour…

New story created: “all free programs are scammy” (which isn’t true. But just a story written to help cope with the negative experience)

The result (behavior/attitude change): she becomes skeptical of all free programs out there (in retrospect she did seem quite skeptical right in the beginning of the call)

The trigger: ME! 🙂 offering some kind of “free program” (i.e. the masterclass)

That’s just an example, but all of a sudden, it makes so much more sense, doesn’t it?

So…

You know I like giving steps 🙂

Ready? 

  Step 1: Don’t take it personally (it’s not always you, and not everyone’s going to see you for who you are)

  Step 2: Love instead. Ask the question: “what would love do?”, and act accordingly 

  Step 3: Learn to identify these patterns in your daily relational dynamics (personally and professionally)

  Step 4: Decide who you are, what your values are, and how you are going to act in conflict situations like this in future

(Note: Step 3 and 4 will make step 2 MUCH easier and greatly expand your emotional intelligence – a key secret to life and business success)

  Step 5: When in doubt, apply step 2.

That’s it for this week.

Want to share your experience?

I’m interested to know, have you been in a situation like this before? If so, how did you respond and what did you learn? Comment below and share your thoughts

My name is Warren. My mission is simple:

Help women coaches get PAID clients, STAND out, and build an authentic coaching business that generates Consistent Income, and that gives them the freedom and control to do what they love full-time (and change the world in their own unique way)

Learn more about Getting Paid Coaching Clients. Start Now!

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